Like I've mentioned in my last few blogs, I've got plenty of things to talk about. But I'll talk about "work" now.
I'm getting tan, and it may be the only thing I'm happy about with guarding right now. The summer started off fine, but went through a major decline over the past week and a half. I haven't actually told anyone yet, and the longer I've put it off, the more reluctant I feel to bring it up but... they took away my assistant manager position. I didn't get my lifeguard certification until a couple weeks into the season and I didn't realize how big of a deal that was. I don't even feel like explaining my excuses because coming up with them and trying to explain to the head guard and our supervisors has just been one huge dampening pain.
The head guard was the one to let me know, and I really wish the supervisors would have told me themselves because I would not have argued with them the way I did with him. I suppose me being the same age as him, and getting the impression that I am more responsible than him doesn't make me feel very obligated to respect his authority, especially since as an AM I felt like I should treat him as a managerial partner.
But whatever. Him and I are not getting along at all. Or rather, he pretty much hates me after all of this. I came to the job ready to take leadership and I apparently overstepped my boundaries. No, I haven't bossed people around, I just tried to learn as much as I could and did as much work as there was to do, hoping someone would notice and go ahead and give me a head guard position. I wanted to do what JC told me I needed to do weeks later, "take initiative." The supervisors, JC and Scott, may have agreed that I needed to be demoted for the certification issue, which I don't have a problem with now, but they let me know that my lack of experience was still an issue and when the head guard teaches me enough to overcome that, they want to repromote me.
I can't even talk to the head guard without him twisting my words into a reason to get pissy at me. The head guard is such a ass with me that he wouldn't even let me go to the pump room to turn on the fill for the baby pool the other day. And he keeps the keys when we work together, I assume to keep me out of the pump room altogether. The last time I actually talked to him he got pissed at me for two completely ridiculous things and tried to mention me transferring, and seemed very disappointed when I said I wouldn't think of it. Guess what I said during that conversation? I checked if he remembered to fill out a guest form for someone coming in and when he mentioned that break was called one minute late, I said it looked like 10 til on the other clock. And when I asked if he wanted me to fill the baby pool, and later if he wanted me to turn the water off, both times while he was in the guard chair, he says, "I can take care of the baby pool."
If you can't tell, it feels pretty much impossible to describe all of the frustrations I've had. All of the miniscule details blowing up into one huge pain in my butt and crappy summer job
I've hoped maybe this guy could just get over his issues if I leave him alone and practically don't talk to him at all for a week or something. Then I could start trying to ask him to teach me the pump room stuff I need to know to be promoted. But when I sit back and think about the situation, I just feel like becoming a guard was a mistake. I wanted to do it because I thought it would be a chill way to spend a summer. I was a little worried about working with high school kids, but I thought if I played my cards right I could get past that. I've been pretty friendly with everyone, including my coworkers, the patrons, the supervisors, and it seemed to be working out just fine. But I feel like trying to do good at the job in general is just a waste of time now.
I'm too old for this job, too qualified for this job! And even if I did do it another summer, the next would be the last I could possible do it. I should've never even applied; I can't give KPM enough time to really be an asset to them, like I'd like to be. I'd always thought about doing what Jenn and Julia did, but I waited way too long. I really don't think I should do it next summer. I don't know what specialty I'll choose but I want to do some clinical research to have that broader range of opportunity when the time to choose a specialty comes.
I need something that looks good on a resume. You can't imagine how unhappy I will be to have to put that I spent this time as a regular "Guard." Wow, how pathetic. I'll probably leave it off my resume altogether as if it never happened. Jenn said that I could juggle the two jobs next summer, but I think I'd like to have that extra job time with the baby. Hell knows that if they don't offer me a real managerial position next summer, there is no way I will do it again. I don't need another head guard feeling intruded by me and telling me they "like to mix up" the schedule.
I think I will enjoy clinical research and wish I would have tried to do that this summer instead... sigh. I've hardly told anything to Jeff about work and he asks why I don't quit just from what I have told him. Man, I planned to have money from this summer in my 09-10 budget...! And it's as simple as that... Not that I'll even have hardly half of what I planned to make but that's just one more piece of the frustration...
Ugh. Another reason it sucks I waited so long to let everyone know about the situation is that it just sucks to talk about it now. I want to just settle into the regular guard position, not worry about being repromoted, get back on decent terms with the head guard and just smooth out the rest of the summer... The stress is totally not worth it and I've learned from my mistakes.
So time for a complete subject change. I decided to write this blog because I wanted to talk to somebody I guess. Having this job has made me appreciate my free time more than usual (obviously), and I've been more unhappy when Jeff doesn't think to make time for me. He mowed when I got home and went to take a nap afterwards. Clueless Jeff :(.
Commenting on my photo. I am tanner. It's nice I guess but I can't say I care too much for the one piece tan line. THere are 3 girl guards and I'm the only one in a one-piece. I'm sure that they have no idea that I wear one because of my mutilated tummy. :( I never knew that older women were so tummy conscious because they were Moms! It's so simple... and sad. God I want my tummy back. It's awful looking at girls in their cute bikinis all day. I think about how I'd love to go shopping for some of my own. I don't know what to expect in the future. I haven't weighed in a while but I think the job is helping me lose more of the tummy chub. Why?...less time to be bored, less time to eat... I also notice that Mom's tend to cover their legs, but other than a few stretch marks I've noticed on them, I guess I managed to miss that prego side effect... Gosh was I clueless about why pregnancy sucks for your body image so much.
Well I suppose I should save some energy for less depressing things. Many blogs due from me... I'm supposed to move this weekend so some of them I can't put off any longer or it will be too late!
Gotta post the baby pic! =D
Obviously he is not actually close to standing, just flexing his chub chub legs :)
